


Stuck in a Rut

by juliandarling



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-02
Updated: 2008-02-02
Packaged: 2019-01-19 03:09:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12401856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliandarling/pseuds/juliandarling
Summary: Remus and Sirius are living together. Their personality differences are making it hard for them to get along, and they're quickly losing the fire that made them a couple. As they struggle with their relationship, the war with Voldemort is mounting, and they must be able to put aside their own troubles to fight larger monsters than their own.





	Stuck in a Rut

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

He always got this panicky, fluttering feeling in his chest whenever Sirius went  
out. He couldn't help it; he knew he was weak, and that if anyone ever  
discovered this, they would exploit the deepest parts of his heart. But when  
Sirius went out, for groceries or less innocuous things, Remus would wait by  
the door and try not to stare at it, waiting for the creak and the shuffle of  
footsteps over the threshold. Right now he was attempting to reread a Muggle  
detective novel that James had picked up for him in a flea market, but his  
breath was catching in his throat, and his palms were sweating. There were  
little streaks of moisture on the book from his hands, and he could see the  
pages shake slightly from the tremors emanating from somewhere in his chest. Sometimes  
he was afraid that Sirius would get caught by some Death Eater in disguise and  
be taken into some darkened fortress, screaming through dirty rags. And  
sometimes he was afraid that Sirius was meeting girls, girls with big eyes and  
no scars and winsome lips that won him soul and body. And he wasn't sure which  
prospect scared him more. Either way, he'd lose him. 

The rain spattered on the window-panes gently, and streaks dribbled down the glass.  
He watched for a moment, enjoying the grey sky, but after a moment, shivered  
and wondered where he'd put his jacket. The jacket had been a present from Lily  
for Christmas. She'd known that he'd been sort of lacking a decent, warm jacket  
for some time, and at first he'd tried to refuse it, but she'd insisted. She  
was the sort of woman who did not take no for an answer. He thought that was  
perhaps why they all loved her so much. He found the jacket under the couch.  
Slipping it on, he returned to his easy chair, with a clear view of the door,  
tucking his feet up under him. He flicked his fingers lightly over the pages,  
breathing slightly through his nose, struggling to keep from hyperventilating. 

Finally, he heard the tell tale steps up the stairs to the door to the apartment, and  
then the slight mutter of a spell, and then the door swung open, and Sirius  
stood in the frame of the door, a paper bag of groceries in his arms. Remus  
looked down at his book as Sirius shut the door, rereading the same sentence  
over and over again.

_Detective Smith moved the table... Detective Smith moved the table..._

"What do you want for dinner?" 

Remus tried to seem surprised that Sirius had spoken. "I'm good with  
anything."

"Shepard's pie sound good?" Sirius was unpacking the brown paper bag on the kitchen  
counter. He looked up at Remus. 

Remus nodded. "Sounds fine." 

Sirius started shoving perishables into the crisper. "I saw James and Lily in  
Diagon Alley."

"Oh?"

"They might be coming for dinner tomorrow night. Okay with you?" 

"Sure."

Sirius pulled out a frying pan and took out the olive oil. "They said that Peter  
might be coming too, but they haven't been able to get a hold of him  
lately." 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He's been busy at the Ministry, apparently." Sirius shrugged, tossing a  
hunk of raw beef into the pan. It sizzled loudly, reminding Remus of the sound  
that emanated from one's mouth when a Fizzing Whizzbees was popped in. He  
sighed, and looked back down at the book. It was futile. He shut it slowly, and  
slipped it into the book-shelf beside him. 

"So, how's Lily. Enormously pregnant still?"

"Hugely so," Sirius snorted, stirring the meat with enthusiasm. "I mean, not  
that Lily could ever be _huge_ , but she's pretty big. I didn't expect it. Bit of a shock."

"We only saw her a week ago."

"She seems to have swelled in the meantime," he replied with a knowing look.  
"James is being sent off an a mission soon. He insinuated that we'd be  
receiving orders too." Remus tried to keep the pained expression from his  
face. Whenever they were sent orders he always opened his at the last possible  
minute, and crossed his fingers as he did. 

Remus shifted slightly in his chair. "Well, the full moon's coming upÉ"

"I'm sure Dumbledore will accommodate." Sirius was trying not to look sorry for  
him, he could tell. But he didn't say anything. 

Remus made a face. "Well, I was kind of hoping that we'd be sent  
together—"

Sirius sighed loudly. "Look, stop worrying okay? We're going to be fine." A  
look of consternation passed across his face, and Remus knew that he was  
thinking about the Prewett boys. 

Remus knew better than to argue. So he got up. "I'm going out for a  
moment." 

"Wait—"

But Remus had already slipped on his shoes and slammed the front door behind him.  
The hallway was empty, and none of the other residents seemed to be in. Of  
course, Saturday nights were when most people went out. But Remus liked staying  
home, and reading and watching a spot of television before a quick bout of  
torrid sex and then sleep. He wasn't the kind of guy who liked to go clubbing.  
And he knew that Sirius was that kind of guy, and it was slowly wearing him  
down. He wasn't sure how much longer they could stay together.

He stood out under an awning, and lit his cigarette slowly, letting the smoke  
travel down his lungs and sooth his heart. He was a rather consummate smoker,  
and he'd been rather devastated when he'd found out that their perfect new flat  
had been smoke free. He'd taken to escaping down into the lobby to puff away,  
or taking a step outside to catch a breeze and a fag. And sometimes, just to  
escape Sirius.

The painful fact was that Remus was a nag, and Sirius was the laid back sort of  
fellow that everyone loved. If he'd been a Muggle, he would have been a hippy.  
Remus wasn't uptight per se, but he wasn't exactly "Mr Relaxed and Happy  
All the Time" like a certain someone. He was almost sure that his  
unconventional childhood was to blame, and besides, he was already terrified  
enough of himself, not to mention all the other billion factors that made up  
their world. 

He finished the cigarette faster than he thought he would, and he was loathe to  
put it out too early. He smoked it down to the nub, and crushed it beneath his  
heel. He waited a few moments for stooping over to pick it up and then drop it  
into the trash can. He looked up at the building, and a cluster of raindrops  
leaked through the awning onto his glasses. He moved away, and wiped them clean  
with the corner of his shirt. He knew that Sirius wasn't watching him leave,  
but that wasn't Sirius' way. Sirius would wait until the last possible moment,  
when he'd been missing for hours before he would owl someone. Remus always  
watched Sirius leave from the big window, watching his back retreating down the  
street. 

Remus lit another cigarette and tried not to think about the future.

~

Sirius had already served dinner when he returned. Luckily the food was still hot, and  
Sirius had been sweet enough to wait for him. Remus flashed him a thankful  
smile before pulling on another sweater and dropping into the waiting seat. 

"Good smoke?" Sirius passed him a beer. 

"It was okay. Too damp to be thoroughly enjoyable."

Sirius looked down at his food, eyes saying things that Remus didn't want to hear.  
Finally, his lips caught up with his heart. "I don't think you should  
smoke anymore."

"I know that."

Sirius shrugged and took a quick chug from his bottle. "Ever since I quitÉ I've  
just realised that it's not much fun."

"Fun has nothing to do with it," Remus laughed humourlessly. "I'm not  
going to quit."

Sirius shrugged, but he could tell that he was disappointed in him. Remus played with  
his food for a few seconds, and tried not to stare at the clock. He could see  
Sirius doing the same. God this was dull. 

"I'm going to bed," he announced after he'd finished his food. He stood, giving  
Sirius a quick peck on the cheek. "I've got work early tomorrow  
morning."

~

He awoke before dawn. The warmth of Sirius' body beside him made it doubly hard to  
rise, but he forced his legs over the side of the bed. The floor was freezing,  
and he quickly padded to the bathroom for a hot shower. 

Work was work. He hated Muggle computers, and he wasn't sure how he'd managed to  
get a job working with them. He sort of blamed Lily for teaching him how to use  
one, and then all about programming (was she bad at anything?) and then, when  
no one in the Wizarding World would hire him, he'd been forced to join the  
Muggle workforce as a sort of computer programmer or something. It was dull,  
unenjoyable work, and he couldn't even use magic to speed the progress along  
because the computers would freak out with any spark of it in the area. 

He thought about Sirius all day long: during staff meetings, during his coffee  
break, whenever he stopped to collate, when talking to Meg, the CEO's plump and  
sweet secretary, and even as he stopped for lunch, eating the turkey on rye  
that Sirius had packed for him the night before.

He took the Underground home, and walked through puddles on purpose because he  
liked the feeling of the cold rain water on his toes. It was strange that the  
weather was so beastly lately, not that London ever had amazing weather or  
anything of the sort, but it had been especially bad over the last two weeks. 

He knocked on the door before entering the flat, and was surprised to find Sirius  
home early from Gringotts, curled up on the couch, reading one of his books.  
Remus smiled, involuntarily, spontaneously, and he tried to remember the last  
time he'd smiled with real feeling. 

"Hey," Remus breathed, biting his lower lip. He shook his head slightly, and rain  
drops flew off his skin.

"You're soaked," Sirius remarked, smiling back in that faintly wolfish way that he  
did. 

"So?" Remus dropped his brief case and rain coat, and pounced on the couch, kissing  
Sirius with his cold lips. Sirius giggled, a rare thing indeed, dropping his  
book on the floor, and returning the kisses with ardour. 

"You need to get out of your things," Sirius said wickedly, arching an eyebrow  
with a mischievous grin. "I think you'll catch a cold."

"Mmhm," Remus moaned in reply as Sirius' tongue licked over his collar bone. "I  
just might need to." He felt Sirius' agile fingers at the hem of his  
shirt, pulling it off in one fluid motion. It dropped on the hardwood floor,  
making a puddle. 


End file.
